I grew up in New York, and although I was not an avid consumer of the news, the latest scandals didn’t escape me. I witnessed how powerful men’s treatment of women shaped public perception and as a teenager in the 90s, I watched Donald Trump’s public disrespect of his wives play out in the tabloids.
There is nothing appealing to a young woman about watching a man strut his ego (and the latest blond) across the tabloids while the mother of his children hides from the press. This stark display of casual misogyny, met with societal shrugs rather than outrage, became my first lesson in how deeply ingrained gender disrespect was in our culture. It was obvious to me that at her core, a woman must keep respect for herself so that she can demand it of others.
The wide ocean between men’s toxic masculinity and women’s ability to command respect is a societal breach that many women actively face on the job, in their relationships, and at home. While a cheating spouse should not be a wife’s shame, it is important that seeding self-respect is like Pilates classes for the core of a woman’s strength.
Me-Too Moves the Goalpost
As I grew older, the advent of the Me-Too movement marked a crucial turning point. The movement created an opportunity for women to be more vocal, for them to step into their power and demand to be treated with respect and not as silent citizens. Yet as an older woman, I found myself struggling to adapt and discard the mantle of female deferment and docile capitulation that had been ingrained in me for so long.
Like me, many women struggle to rise above the limitations they face, because it is difficult to set the standard for how others should treat you. It is an act of self-care and empowerment—one that positively impacts not just your life but inspires those around you.
Building Your Foundation – Respecting Yourself
Certainly, there isn’t an easy fix or solution to the shortening of the gender chasm; instead, I do believe that there are approaches we can take to maintain our calm, challenge ourselves to assess our positions, and finally to keep clarity when society bombards us with pressure to be less than what we are within.
How do we implement self-respect and assertiveness without being considered a witch and avoid negative perceptions? How can we lead firmly without being branded as “aggressive” or “unfeminine”?
One answer is to acknowledge how vital it is to individually nurture and advance that core of self-respect and capability. I have discovered some effective tactics that can result in great strides toward self-actualisation and respect. Here are a few suggestions to encourage personal self-esteem and respect:
- Recognise your own value by examining your achievements and unique qualities in life. Reflect on them to reinforce your self-worth.
- Sit down and consider your personal boundaries. It’s important that you are clear in your mind what you will and won’t tolerate. Your understanding of these boundaries enables you to be consistent when pushing back and supporting your opinions and needs.
- Practice a huge amount of self-compassion and treat yourself with the kindness you would show a friend. This includes forgiving yourself for mistakes and focusing on growth rather than self-criticism.
- Regularly engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This could be anything from meditation to spending time in nature—whatever strengthens your sense of well-being.
- Watch out for that critical voice that does not have your self-interest at heart! So, speak kindly to yourself and pay attention to your inner dialogue by replacing negative self-talk with constructive, encouraging words.
- Empower yourself by taking responsibility for your actions, decisions, and reactions. This accountability strengthens self-trust and reinforces respect for your autonomy.
To sum up, women have tried to walk the tightrope of being the ones responsible for furthering the species, nurturing families and partners, and in many instances caring for the older generation. It’s not surprising that we all get lost in the tug of so many competing demands.
It is imperative, however, that a woman does not lose her way by negating her own needs and by supporting her own right to command respect from those who shape the tone and trajectory of her life. At her core, a woman must suckle respect for herself so that she can demand it of others.
