Ten Tips for Alignment in Love

When someone whispers or shouts the words, “I love you,” it’s a key and pivotal moment in the loving bond between two people.  It opens a door and a pathway to a shared life and/or experiences.  How many friends have you had who phone after the magic moment happens – full of dreams of the future.  However, at this juncture, isn’t it important to pause and reflect on what you both mean by voicing these words?  Are you both on the same page?

Does your partner’s, “I love you,” pass the test of meeting your expectations? I can almost hear some of you scoff that such a question is terrible unromantic.  In practice, although I’m a romantic at heart, the sad truth is that life experience has taught me that words have meaning, and when the big, LOVE is trotted out, meaning has vast levels of subjective interpretation.

I suggest that this is the perfect time and an engraved invitation for you both to discover and explore what these shared emotions means — in reality.

Questions on the meaning and future of your relationship should arise not out of doubt, but out of a desire for transparency and common ground.  By delving into the specifics of your emotional intentions and using it as a touch stone to the expectations of both parties, you can use this opening to align perceptions of your shared feelings, thereby ensuring that the label love is of equal measure and proportionate to both individuals. Taking the time to consider what you mean when you say those magical three words can prevent potential misunderstandings, but also fosters a deeper connection built on shared values and hopes.

Let’s consider some of the key factors in aligning on love:

1. Communication is Key

• Open, honest, and ongoing communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Regularly check in with your partner about your feelings, experiences, and expectations regarding the future, family plans, values, and spiritual beliefs.
  
  
• Be ready for some surprises and possibly compromises. And yes, while it is possible to be on totally different pages when it comes to these major pillars in life, fostering false expectations is only feeding an illusion.  It is also blocking you from fully understanding and knowing the essence of the person that you love.  In other words, you are posing a question, “Is the person I love real or an illusion I’ve created?”

2. Pay Attention to Actions

• Understanding each other’s method of communicating feelings can be transformative so actions often speak louder than words. It avoids the trap of acts and words being lost in translation. Observe how your partner expresses love through their deeds. Whether it’s a surprise gesture, a supportive action, or a kind word, the consistency of their actions can provide valuable insights into what they are feeling. Knowing how your partner expresses and receives love can bridge gaps.

3. Shared Values, Goals, and Experiences

• Discuss your values, life goals, and aspirations. Aligning these life building blocks can ensure that your journey together is fulfilling for both parties. Partnership is like a dance, and you will need to move fluidly together in the same direction.
• Reflect on the moments that brought you both joy, comfort, or strength. Shared experiences can be powerful indicators of mutual understanding. These shared emotional landscapes can unveil the values and meanings you attach to love.

4. Check-In on Expectations

• As time passes, expectations may evolve. Regularly confirm on each other’s expectations regarding the relationship, commitment, and personal growth to ensure you’re on the same page.

5. Celebrate and Identify Differences

• If you are comfortable with articulating your feelings, celebrate the diversity of love through your words. Try to take an interest in your partner’s interest.  Try to familiarise yourself with one or two of your significant other’s hobbies or interests.  It doesn’t mean you have to become expert, but you ought to be able to engage in a conversation about what’s their latest activities, and to understand why they enjoy the pastime. Embrace the richness and the possibility of interaction that it adds to your relationship.

6. Take Note of Different Contexts

• The context in which your partner uses the word “love” matters. Notice when they express love—whether in moments of joy, stress, or vulnerability. Understanding how they navigate these different contexts can provide clarity on the depth and sincerity of their feelings. If expressions of affection are timed at moments where your significant other is asking something of you, then a warning flag should be triggered.

7. Seek Alignment in Future Goals

• Discuss your future goals and aspirations as a couple. Aligning your visions for the future—whether it’s family, career, or personal growth—can highlight the shared values and commitments that underpin your expressions of love.

8. Embrace Individual Growth

• Recognize that individuals grow and evolve. Having a supportive partner who is positive and encourages your development is mutually beneficial. If individual sacrifices of time or money are factors, communicating and working together to tackle these challenges are key to future accomplishments. Embrace the growth journey together, openly discussing any shifts in perspectives or expectations that may arise over time.

9. Celebrate Relationship Milestones

• Take time to celebrate relationship milestones. Whether it’s anniversaries, achievements, or challenges overcome together, these moments provide opportunities to affirm and reaffirm your love for each other.

10. Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Cues and Trust Your Intuition

• Pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These subtle indicators can convey volumes about your partner’s emotions and intentions. If you have a partner that struggles with communicating effectively, experiment with other means of finding the bridge between you (for example, leaving notes as well as text and voice messages).
• Trust in your intuition. If something feels off or if there’s a misalignment in your interpretations of love, address it with empathy and openness. Your intuition can be a valuable guide in navigating the intricacies of love’s language.
  
  

Instead of taking a declaration of love at face value, embrace the opportunity to delve deeper into the intricacies of this profound and life-changing emotion. By asking questions and aligning expectations, you pave the way for a relationship grounded in mutual understanding, respect, and enduring, REAL love. One founded on meeting your needs as well as your romantic expectations.

Potentially, even if the relationship doesn’t flourish, you will exit the shared experience empowered with self-knowledge and armed with new understanding of the qualities of a loving partnership. You no longer want to be left wondering, “What was all that about?” or “Where did I go wrong?” No longer should you passively receive those magical words without mindfulness, but instead treat them as a call to self-realisation and a conscious act of loving both yourself and your partner.